Appreciation works
when it acknowledges the how
When was the last time you felt truly seen?
Not for what you did, but for how you did it.
I have experienced this twice in the last few days.
At the end of a coaching process, my client stands up, smiles, and hands me a small bag of chocolates. Carefully wrapped, with an orange ribbon.
“Thank you for the trusting space and for the valuable questions that have set so much in motion.”
A few days later, I receive an email: A client writes how much she appreciated working with me—in the workshop, in the preparation, and afterwards.
“Both professionally and personally, we felt safe, comfortable, and valued every minute we spent with you.”
Both moments filled me with joy and, at the same time, gratitude and a deep sense of purpose.
Not because of the chocolates. Not because of the kind words.
But because both described not only my “what,” but above all my “how.”
How I accompany. How I hold spaces. How I am present. How I listen.
In these moments, I feel: I am seen. Not only as a coach and consultant, but as a human being with my strengths. And at the same time: what I do goes beyond a job. It has meaning and impact.
What I have experienced is also reflected in research:
People whose attitude and strengths are recognized—not just their performance—experience more energy, meaning, and connection. They feel more vital, more committed, more effective.
Appreciation that honors the “how” reveals who someone is, not just what they do.
This is the difference between:
→ “Thank you for the good moderation” and “Thank you for creating space for all voices.”
→ “Great work” and “I appreciate how you remained clear and attentive even in difficult moments.”
When people experience this kind of appreciation, it creates a space in which they open up, move forward, and take responsibility. They feel: “I am valued.”
Genuine appreciation nourishes what drives people: the need to belong, to be capable, and to be self-effective. When this is fulfilled, motivation arises from within.
Ideas for you:
→ How can you tell someone today, “I see you and who you are”?
→ When you receive a sign of appreciation yourself, pause for a moment: How does it make you feel?
→ Where in your team is it noticeable that appreciation is more than just recognition for results?
And of course, I'm also just happy about good chocolates.
#appreciation #strengths-oriented #leadership
