'yes, but...'
- when change comes to a standstill
Behind every 'yes, but...' is a story - a story of unspoken fears or unfulfilled expectations. I recently accompanied an experienced manager at a career turning point who was stuck in precisely this emotional impasse.
She knew exactly what she no longer wanted. Staying was not an option. But taking the step towards change didn't feel any better. Too vague. Too risky. Too demanding.
Every impulse, every question was followed by a “Yes, but...” or a “That won't work...”. Like an internal handbrake that is automatically applied at the slightest attempt to accelerate.
This reaction was not defiance, but a protective reflex - born of past experiences, old injuries and a view of life that had been practiced over the years: driven rather than creative, at the mercy of others rather than self-effective. An attempt to protect herself from failing again.
At this point, it wasn't about new options for action or even a decision. It was about being seen at all with everything that felt difficult.
My role as a coach at that moment was to simply be present and attentive to what was happening. To create space for what doesn't want to - or isn't allowed to - show itself. Fear, disappointment, exhaustion, sadness.
This moment in coaching is a hallmark of what sometimes happens in day-to-day management: Employees who react to changes with withdrawal or a stubborn “Yes, but...”. Innovative ideas that fizzle out in an echo of “That won't work anyway!”.
In moments like these, you need a counterpart who understands that there is more behind every 'Yes, but...' than mere refusal. A counterpart who has the courage not to offer solutions immediately, but to really listen first.
Leading in complex times - this also means recognizing that change sometimes takes a small detour via pausing. That it needs both: clarity of direction and space for everything that (still) makes you hesitate. And in creating a culture in which not only quick approval, but also inner ambivalence has its place.
➡️ What has ever got you moving in a deadlocked (change) situation?
#change #psychologicalsecurity #ambivalence #resistance #leadership
